Love, the point of our existence

Why do we exist? What purpose do we, tiny, insignificant humans serve in the grand scheme of things? Is it the fact that we had some unfinished business in our past lives that “fate” wants us to finish in this life? Or are we here to fulfill some prophecy made by someone ages ago? 

C’mon, that’s just way too dramatic. I think the purpose of our existence is pretty simple. It’s the simplest, most natural, most spontaneous feeling ever. Love. 

Okay, maybe not the most spontaneous. I think the most spontaneous feeling is the fear for our lives. But love is pretty close to being the most spontaneous feeling experienced by every human being that ever existed. 

Love fills the heart with joy. Isn’t joy what we all constantly seek in life? 

Love gives us a reason to feel great, and not just feel great about ourselves but just about everyone and everything. But on the other hand, the same love can send us mad with jealousy, envy and desire. 

Love gives hope, of a better future, however bleak that future may be in truth. And I don’t need to tell you how hope keeps us going on, no matter what the future may hold for us. 

Is love an illusion? At times, I feel it is. But anyday, I would rather have the illusion of love than the bitter truth about the future. Love is the preferable illusion, the desirable one. And it is why we exist. It keeps us hoping, dreaming, of a better tomorrow, of a happier life, of a cozier home, of a larger car, of a heftier pay package; of a kinder, warmer relationship – basically everything we desire and everything we work towards, we do so because we love. We love someone or something so much that we make every possible effort to attain it.

And thus, we go on existing. 

The Tragic Story of A Boy Who Never Grew Up

***Spoiler Alert***

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There’s something very sad about the life of Norman Bates. He is a “Momma’s boy” by all means and yet, he is his own person, such a strong person that even the most powerful force in his life, his mother, cannot stir his resolve. That duality of a troubled mind is ever-present in Norman. He has two reactions when confronted about his over-dependence on his mother – either he breaks into tears or he breaks into a raging fury. And he’s scary in both because there’s no way of knowing what he will do next. I guess that’s when we are just as helpless as Norman because he himself doesn’t know what he will do next. All he wants to do is be with his mother and he doesn’t want anyone to come between the two of them. He is ready to make anyone who dares to come between them pay, even if that means murder. And even if that means murdering his mother, the one person that he just couldn’t detach himself from, the one voice in his head, the one authority he feels answerable to. And the one person he sometimes feels the urge to dress and appear as, especially when he feels there is a need to “teach a lesson” to someone. I’ll spare you the dark, horrifying details of how he does that.

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No matter how twisted that is, you can’t help but feel sorry for him. You can’t help but sympathize with this boy who is in his mind and also in truth, just a little boy, terrified of the world, unable to ever fully trust anyone except his mother.

A Mother Who Loved Too Much

Being Norman’s mother is no easy job. He isn’t exactly a boy who acts his age, especially when it comes to his mother. Also, he has a troubled mind. He is a mentally ill boy, and the scariest thing is, he just turned 18. The smiling, soft-spoken, sweater-wearing, modest Norman Bates is the last person you would suspect of being criminally insane, but that’s just the biggest bitter truth about him that you would have to swallow with a heavy heart. Deep down, his mother Norma knows this but she is too afraid to acknowledge it. Can you blame her? She is a woman who has always had to fight to survive. She never had a good childhood or a normal family. Happiness has always come to her at a price. She has been taken advantage of by many men and sometimes she has paid it back by taking advantage of them, twisting and turning events in her own favour.

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She has done her share of manipulation, but most of the time, it has been for Norman. And almost all the time, it has been for the fact that she was helpless. No matter how much you disagree with her methods and her actions, you can’t help but see her point. If you have empathy, if you have loved anyone in your life, you can’t help but see her helplessness in those situations. She was cruelly alone in protecting her child, which (the loneliness) she kind of brought upon herself but that’s the price you pay for being too close to your child. You alienate other people.

A Norman Bates in All of Us 

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I think there’s a Norman Bates in every one of us. We are just better at hiding him than the fictional Norman ever was. When there’s pain, when there’s suffering, when there’s torment, the Norman Bates in all of us takes the wheel. He is an extremely sensitive being who’s always in touch with his emotions. He hasn’t learned the ways of the society in which they teach us to put on a façade of “All is well” at all times. He realizes it but still believes that he too, could suppress that side of his and be like the rest of us. And when he fails disastrously, it’s tragic. It broke my heart every time to see Norman fail in his attempts to be just another normal kid. How desperately he wanted that, how cruelly life steered it away from him, through his own hands.

A romantic viewer like me may interpret the lives of Norman and his mother this way but the truth remains unchanged. Norman is a killer, so is his mother. But even then, she doesn’t lose the connection with society that Norman lost so easily, and at such a young age. He has all the makings of the terrifying “Psycho”, and yet, somehow he makes your eyes teary with his helplessness, desperation and his demons.

I strongly feel that Norman Bates is the most apt anti-hero of modern drama.

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Triple X Girlfriend by Front 242

I’ve just found a beautiful song with even more beautiful, deep and profound lyrics. The song is titled “Triple X Girlfriend” and it’s by Front 242. I’ve never heard anything by this band before so I guess this is a good start. This song has gotten me interested to delve deeper into their music.

Here’s the lyrics:

“There is nothing here I haven’t seen
I’m just waiting for my turn to leave
There is nothing I haven’t experienced
And so little left to talk about
There is nothing I haven’t been been through
I’ve stopped waiting for what will not come
There is nothing here I haven’t seen
I’m just waiting for my turn to leave
I will sink soon
I will sink
I will sink soon
I will sink
…soon
there is nothing more I need to learn
I’m more than ready for my return
I’m about to leave this (?doggie tree?)
My visions do not frighten me
I hid far from myself already
Entering a higher energy
I feel my forces abandoning me
I see the lights growing gradually
I will sink soon
I will sink
I will sink soon
I will sink
I hid far from myself already
Entering a higher energy
I feel my forces abandoning me
I see the lights growing gradually
I hid far from myself already
Entering a higher energy
I feel my forces abandoning me
I see the lights growing gradually
I will sink soon
Or will I soar?”

Tell me that isn’t beautiful!

I’m so glad to have discovered Front 242.

Here’s the video: 

 

We are all a little bit broken

We are all a little bit damaged

We are all a little bit tainted. 

We all seek solace

Seek relief

Seek comfort.

But, in our quest to find “that place” where we can enjoy those things someday, we tend to lose our grip on the “now”,  the “present”, the reality. 

We condition ourselves to overlook the simple joys of life. We get so used to the rut that we forget to appreciate that even everyday things can be special. Well, sometimes. 

Sometimes, even mundane things can be the sources of happiness. But we have a goal in mind. So, we don’t pay attention to such trivial things. 

Perspectives

All my life, I’ve been pretty good at understanding other people’s perspectives. I had learnt to use my observation to connect people’s behaviours with their thought processes in my formative years (I had a lot of time, I wasn’t allowed to go outside and I was an observant child). Using this, I’ve predicted actions that have come true more than most of the time. Yes, I’ve observed that too.  🙂

Hurt, and Then Some

There are people that you hurt. Period.

There’s no changing that. You feel certain emotions or you’re under some wicked compulsion that makes you hurt those people. 

Some of them, you hurt deliberately. 

Some, you would rather not have anything to do with for the rest of your life. 

And then there are those who would have been the last people on earth that you would even consider hurting. But still, you end up hurting them. 

You don’t want to. 

But still, this is what you do. 

You hurt them nonetheless. 

Sure, you had your reasons. 

But do those reasons let you sleep at night?